Surviving Workplace Pronoun Culture

Is this really happening? Why is it a big deal? How do I adjust, adapt, and accept the inevitable?

What Is a Pronoun?

Pronouns are words that we often take for granted or don’t think of at all but they’re with us every single day of our lives from the moment we’re born until the very end.

A pronoun is simply a word for an object. They come in many shapes and sizes. Here are a few pronouns you might be familiar with:

I, Me, My — Personal pronouns indicating yourself.

• “I like potatoes.”
• “My car is in the shop.”
• “Please pass me the salt.”

They/Them/Theirs — Pronouns indicating another person or group of people.

• “They should have that report done tomorrow.”
• “I spoke to them about that yesterday.”
• “Is that briefcase theirs?”

He/Him/His — Pronouns indicating a person who identifies as a man.

• “He called about that project.”
• “It’s always fun chatting with him.”
• “How are his grandkids?”

She/Her/Hers — Pronouns indicating a person who identifies as a woman.

• “She makes the best meatloaf.”
• “Her dissertation was genuinely incredible.”
• “Which packet is hers?”

There are a ton of pronouns. There are even words that we don’t often consider as pronouns such as “Which/What/Whom” or “This/That/Those”. The list is genuinely pretty extensive... But for now, let’s focus on the simple truth that everyone, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, creed, or station in life, has pronouns.

John 18:6 “When Jesus said to them, “I am he,” they drew back and fell to the ground.”

Pronoun Culture

Now that we’ve firmly established that everyone has pronouns, let’s take a moment to look over the current culture surrounding this particular piece of language.

Most people are now aware that Transgender people exist. For those few of my dear readers who may not know: Transgender people are people who decide, for whatever reason, that they desire to change their body through surgery and medication, in an effort to take on the appearance of another gender. This is usually due to a feeling of discord between their mind and body but can simply be for no other reason more complex than because they want to.

There is a great deal of politics surrounding the topic of Transgender individuals at the moment, and I won’t be getting into any of that here. However, if you take a moment to follow my work, I promise that I will be diving headfirst into Transgender history in the future!

With the advent of the internet in the 90s and numerous leaps in medical science, the Transgender population has become more evident to the cis (people identifying with the gender they were assigned at birth) population. Because of this, there has been some attempt at making strides in the realm of deconstructing the gender-based sociopolitical culture that has permeated the vast majority of humanity for the last several hundred years.

This is to say, a grand number of people out there are currently trying to spread the idea that we, as human beings, are more than our reproductive parts and should be allowed to be recognized as such. If someone wishes to change their pronouns, they should be allowed to change them. If someone wishes to change the way their body works and appears to better suit those pronouns, there is no conceivable non-archaic reason for this not to happen. We are living in the 21st century, after all. We may not have flying cars, but we are more than capable of biohacking our bodies to do some pretty cool things!

What’s expected at work?

All you will ever be asked to do, by anyone, is to show other people as much respect as you expect to be shown yourself. The more respect you show other people, the more respect you’re likely to receive in return. It’s simply that easy.

Take the following scenario for example:

You’ve just arrived at work and you see a coworker is wearing a brand new pronoun pin. The reason it catches your eye is that the pronouns on it don’t quite fit the person that you’re looking at. At least, not at first blush. Perhaps they’re a fairly feminine looking individual and their pronoun pin reads “He/Him”. Here’s what to do:

1. Use the pronouns on the pin when referring to this person.

Yep, it’s that easy.

I promise you, if you do this, they will be deeply appreciative and you will likely have made, or retained, a friend that day.

“But what if they’re not wearing a pin?” I hear you, I understand. In these situations it’s entirely likely they will simply inform you themselves that they would appreciate it if you referred to them using their new pronouns. It is highly unlikely that you will simply be expected to know immediately.

Or, you could simply ask them their pronouns if this is a first-time meeting. It’s very simple and only small-minded individuals who refuse to see past a human being’s sexual characteristics will have much trouble with this.

That’s all. It’s literally that simple.

To reiterate:

• When approaching someone and you see they’re wearing a pronoun pin, refer to them using the pronouns written on that pin from that point forward.
• If they are not wearing a pronoun pin but, instead inform you directly that they would prefer it if you refer to them by a specific set of pronouns, refer to them using those pronouns from that point forward.
• If you are meeting someone for the first time, feel free to ask them their pronouns and, heck, even offer your own (Ie: ‘Hi there! It’s so nice to meet you! My name is Ashleigh and my pronouns are they/he.”). It may seem like a mouthful at first but you’ll get used to it and soon it will feel like second nature!

Additionally:

• If you find you are faced with someone whose pronouns change somewhat regularly, the very best thing that you can do is simply understand that for some people, ‘settling’ isn’t going to happen. And for others, discovering who they are and where they fit as a person is an evolutionary journey that takes place over several years. In these situations, all you will ever be expected to do is keep up. The likelihood that you will be expected to predict their pronouns is miniscule, so please do not worry about such things.

What if a mistake is made?

Mistakes are inevitable while someone is learning something new. Most Transgender individuals won’t mind being accidentally misgendered once or twice, provided an apology quickly follows and it’s obvious the person who slipped up is making every effort to learn their new pronouns. That’s all that’s expected; Your best effort and an apology if there’s an error.

Don’t linger on the mistake. Don’t make some overblown, self-flagellating display of contrition, simply apologize and move forward with whatever you were saying before.

Some closing thoughts and a little advice.

It’s entirely likely, you will never meet a Transgender person. Trans people make up less than 2% of the population at the moment, and while Reactionary Extremist news anchors who only care about view count often act as though this number is ‘going up’, it’s not. A long time ago left-handedness was viewed as ‘bad’ and even ‘of the devil’. It was corrected, often forcefully, by cruel teachers and clergy. When this practice was recognized to be as barbaric as it truly was, the number of left-handed individuals ‘went up’.. only because naturally left-handed people suddenly started using their left hand as it was more comfortable to write with. This is precisely what is happening with the LGBTQ+ community right now. The stigma is, despite what Right Wing Reactionaries would have you believe, is passing. So, the number of LGBTQ+ individuals is self-correcting much like the number of left-handed people did.

However, just because there’s a good chance you won’t meet someone who is openly Trans at work (or elsewhere) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open-minded to the possibility, or that you should automatically discount the use of sharing pronouns. Again, we, as a society, are doing our best to move away from identifying individuals solely based on their reproductive traits. We have evolved past the need to focus purely on reproduction and we are intelligent enough to communicate directly with people we might wish to procreate with. So there is simply no need to craft our entire identity, attire, and personality around our genitalia any longer. This frees us up for new forms of self-expression in how we dress and yes, even the way our bodies work. To deny this is to deny the progression of humanity as a species and to attempt to force us back into those archaic reproduction-based boxes that we’ve all fought so hard to escape over the last hundred years or so.

My last piece of advice to you is that if you do meet someone with unexpected pronouns, or know someone who has recently changed their pronouns, use those pronouns at all times. Yes, even when that person is not present. Do not start referring to them as something different the second they leave. Not only is this disrespectful, but you also have no right to label another individual as you see fit. Also, the use of the wrong pronoun might confuse those around you and lead to an uncomfortable, possibly humiliating event for the person you were misgendering! Place yourself in their shoes for a moment and imagine how uncomfortable and damaging that might be. So, It’s best to simply use the correct pronouns for any individual at all times... And yes, “correct” means the ones that they have asked you to use for them. We are the arbiters of our genders and bodies, no one else is allowed to control who we are once we reach adulthood.

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